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The road to resolution

The Road to Resolution

I never thought much about my weight. I never had to. At 5 feet tall, I was always called petite, little, cute, tiny. And, I always thought of myself as that. Even when I no longer was.

I certainly never thought of myself as fat. I just knew after three kids I wasn’t the cute, petite girl I once was. But I wasn’t prepared for what realizations I came to during the past year.

This is my story of challenging myself, getting back in shape and losing weight.

And, the lessons learned along the way.

Reality Check​ – Nov 8, 2014​

158. One hundred fifty eight. One. Five. Eight. ​Oy vey. One hundred fifty eight pounds. I weigh one hundred fifty eight pounds. I cannot even comprehend the number on the scale. I haven’t been on a scale in more than a year, but that sounds like a lot. Can the scale be wrong? I weigh more not pregnant than I did during any of myfastpregnancy.com. WTF?

When I emerge from the locker room and my trainer asks how much I weigh, I lie “154.” It’s not much better but my lips can’t make the sound an eight makes. I am in shock. I hear little else. Body fat. Body Mass Index. More meaningless numbers that are higher than they should be.

I knew I had let myself go, so to speak​,​ over the past few years, but I thought I weighed around 135. Not more than that. I am so upset by the number. A number I was taught not to focus on. A number my mother told me was not important. “Look in the mirror and be happy with who you see. A number is just that – a number​,​” ​m​y mother told ​me​.

But was I happy with what I saw? Was I in denial? Was I upset by the number or what the number represented? I ​am​ seven months away from 40th birthday. ​I just ​started ​a staff challenge that includes free ​personal ​train​ing with a partner for ​the next ​eight weeks. And my partner ​just ​dropped out. This ​is my wake up call. I ​am going to seize this opportunity, get in shape and kick 40s ass.

First stop…the gym.